Mommy Issues
Yeah, those!
I endured both developmental and relational trauma from birth until I put physical space between us. (It snowballed downhill fast after I cut off contact with my biological parents.)
So, yeah, I have parent issues. The more you learn, the more you will, hopefully, will understand.
My second peer, whom I have had to distance myself from for a few months, in reliving her trauma with me showed her mother issues clearly. I know how this can work because we have each been diagnosed with CPTSD.
Reader, I hope you understand her story is not my story to tell. Suffice it to say, please,, we both have suffered developmental and relational traumas.
Back to the mommy issues. And in NO way am I referring to or including the flippant, colloquial or simply offensive offhand slang people seem to use.
First, let us remember our parents usually, are our first teachers. Sometimes an infant’s caregivers are other people. This is normal because this is what you know. Roughly until between age 3 to 5 in high percentage.
Second, teaching is by example also. So if you are being taught wrong, you will learn wrong. Yet remember, this is normal to you. This goes on until, usually, age 18 or so, when high school is over.
All of these add up and carry with you into adulthood.
If what you learned was physical, it was easier to see thus easier to be aware of how to hide or show the clear evidence. (A broadly easily written statement only as it pertains to this post.)
If what you learned is not easily seen, or worse, misunderstood and misdiagnosed, it can never, currently it seems decades is quite possible.
My peer is fortunate enough to have learned this and begun treatment before 30.
We are both examples of stories which include: trauma begets more trauma, failure to launch and in depths of pain and despair which few people can understand.
Where we differ is she has started and then fell off through NO Fault of her own (a car accident and she was the pedestrian) while that was the precipating incident to see the narcissistic traits and behaviors. Relational trauma left its harm before she could get out and severe contact.
I had thrived in many ways yet snowballed downhill while trying to repair and catch up with where I wanted, needed and thought I ought to be. Once I got there, in my thirties (forties), I had one career already. I simply couldn’t figure out what was happening to me at the time.
Oh, yeah, I did figure it out. Then trauma begot more trauma and toxicity. Over two years without a home, or homeless in a truck, and finally into safe, affordable housing. Even with this, recovering financially from the mistakes and COVID’s consequences, money is a struggle. However, every day we are closer to reaching our first financial goal.
As I am talking to my psychotherapist today, we explored what I said were “my mommy issues I had to bring into therapy today.”
Are they your mommy issues?, she asked.
“Yes, they are” led into a discussion leaving me understanding, no, they are not my “mommy issues” the way I thought.
More importantly, I resolved the issues with my mother. I am at peace with my decisions and have no regrets regarding it.
Will I tell her? Not directly. I will talk to her sister and have her speak with her sister regarding my final request with a brief explanation. Thus, if any attempt is made at her communication without going through the channel I requested, legal action will follow.
Even I recognize it may sound like a threat of a sort.
It is a fact. I will pursue a no-contact order.
As for how come, I am pondering writing her a letter. Maybe a post for my aunt to read and then we discuss.
Much to think about, Reader!
I believe in you,
Rusty xoxo
Rusty & Wolf 2019 