I am IRATE!! Yes, that angry! Systems. A disconnected, antiquated and privileged inequality with absolutely no equitably to be found. Anywhere!!! I feel so frustrated. I need my own money, yet cannot get to it! This has to be called Fraudulent when any person considers what people who ACTUALLY need help and assistance need toContinue reading “December 16, 2020”
Author Archives: Rusty
December 19, 2020
Dear Diary: You are finally able to admit to yourself, nights are the hardest parts. Specifically about 5:00 pm to 9:00 pm when we lay down and snuggle under our covers for bed. Bed doesn’t even mean sleep. First, by that time, it is cold. Of course, this winter has been rougher than last year.Continue reading “December 19, 2020”
December 6, 2020
Note: This post is out of order. I had hand written it originally. Dear Me, Recently, I have questioned how come I do not go to a shelter. Really questioned it. Any doubt I had was removed when two days ago my therapist noted, the past 3 to 4 sessions, I mentioned my decision notContinue reading “December 6, 2020”
Someone is actively and consciously choosing to protect us
For the first time in three years, I feel believed by a person outside of my treatment team. That is amazing and validating. It may seem ridiculous to you. It used to me also. Yet it is real and for once, I see other people seeing and believing what even the courts and law continueContinue reading “Someone is actively and consciously choosing to protect us”
A Transforming Season
Please be mindful, this site comes with Trigger Warnings throughout it. July 2020 through November 2020 taught me more than I could have imagined. I saw and felt pain in multiple ways. Pain was unrealistic, unreasonable, unresolved, nonresponsive, denied, misplaced, lied about, ignored, explosive, solitary, isolating, confusing, humiliating and more. So many times, alcoholism wasContinue reading “A Transforming Season”
Flashbacks have returned
Specifically, my emotional, maybe, mental, flashbacks. I do not have visual flashbacks, to my knowledge, for the most part. Whether that is a blessing or a curse, I really do not know. In terms of treatment options, visual flashbacks have more options available. They are, in some ways, easier to reframe for meaning to beContinue reading “Flashbacks have returned”
December 14, 2020
The weather is miserable here. Snow coming also. It is days such as this that serve as stark reminders, to me, of how little we have and how hard it really is to survive, homeless and traumatized. As in death, the world around you goes on. The same can be said of homelessness. While IContinue reading “December 14, 2020”
December 12, 2020
Simply checking in with myself. Randomly, of course! 🤗😳😁 Wolf and I were just talking about this year versus last year. The differences. For good and bad. This seems worthy of recall, so here it is. Dear Diary, Last year, Wolf was busier at this time. He had different focus. Still messing around with matters.Continue reading “December 12, 2020”
Our disorders
TRIGGER WARNINGS We both live with psychiatric diagnoses. Wolf’s are: ADHD, Anxiety, Trauma Stressors and Acute Stress Response or Disorder. (I need to check on this.) Mine are: Anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bipolar II and Borderline Personality Disorder. We are both survivors of developmental trauma, relational trauma and abuse. AbuseContinue reading “Our disorders”
Student Loan Crisis and Me
How many of us have heard, know someone or, yourself, in Student Loan Debt? Even I am aware of this burden many of us face. Before COVID, there were multiple reasons. The economy for one. Perhaps two and three as well. Other reasons: values changing, expectations alter, we grow up and steadfast or we demandContinue reading “Student Loan Crisis and Me”
Rusty & Wolf 2019 