December 4, 2020 is the date of this reflection or insight from Wolf. Satisfy. Do. Easily absorbed. Fixer. Prone to be manipulated. Yet, so confused. Apple and stones was the example he used. Apple pie. Yes. Stonewall. Yes. Wall out of apples? No yet he will try like heck anyway. Maybe, not knowing when toContinue reading “A life of neglect, 2”
Category Archives: Diary
A life of neglect
This is Wolf’s story. The main part, shall we say. Wolf and I often struggle to grasp the other’s trauma for one primary reason. Whereas I spent way, way too much time with my father, Wolf was neglected, even forgotten. I have heard only a few of the stories and they are enough to curdleContinue reading “A life of neglect”
A Few Notes about this blog
Right now, Wolf is heading back to court for a second order of protection based on new information recently learned. That leaves me to be concerned for our mental and emotional wellbeing. The primary reason is we are both triggered and a number of unpleasant feelings arise for each of us, individually, and as aContinue reading “A Few Notes about this blog”
Feelings of …, II
I hold feelings of shame, embarrassment and humiliation over my financial lifespan as well. It is terrible. As are, likely, any reason for feeling these three emotions. So, Rusty, write about them. What better time than when your stomach is grumbling, you realize you are out of coffee, it is cold, damp and lightly rainingContinue reading “Feelings of …, II”
Healthy was missing. I did not know.
How can I know, healthy is missing, when I was not taught healthy? As I write those words, I realize they are incorrect, partially. I have had healthy people in my life since birth. What I did not have was either enough of them or they did not have the knowledge to see what andContinue reading “Healthy was missing. I did not know.”
A Dissector and a Fixer
Wolf is the Fixer. For sure. Recently he told me I am a dissector. “Not a science type.” We both laughed because there is surely truth in that. Depending on how you think of science. I am a soft science person. Roles can be dissected. Wolf is hard science through and through. Parts can beContinue reading “A Dissector and a Fixer”
Bored. Now what?
Dear Diary, I am bored! For years, I struggled with anxiety and it resulted in so many problems. I fought to have the cognitive capabilities and inner strength to stop avoiding, summon up enough internal strength and courage to face the problems. (Read my posts about student loan debt for one prime example.)
Speechless, over Strengths Perspective
In disclosure, I have my Master’s Degree in Social Work. This did not stop me from being speechless in couples therapy when our therapist said, “Wolf sees you from a strengths perspective.” It is true. We spoke about it. He does see me that way. The quintessential core of social work and until she saidContinue reading “Speechless, over Strengths Perspective”
I cried today.
Sometimes, it is all I can do. Other times, it is a release. Every time, it is needed. I cried because no matter, the systems I deal with are not meant to help people get out. They are meant to keep them in. Don’t agree? That is a luxury I do not nor can IContinue reading “I cried today.”
“I can’t afford to dream right now.”
Those may have been the toughest words I have spoken in a while. How come? Because they flowed out of my mouth in conversation. They hurt to, both, hear and say. They did. How can one afford to dream when our home is a truck, our credit is poor, our shared trauma consumes me, andContinue reading ““I can’t afford to dream right now.””
Rusty & Wolf 2019 